That’s My Love Story, by Santosh Kalwar

This is one of those books that I had to finish because I made the mistake of starting it. Out of habit, I do not abandon books halfway, no matter how bad, unless the book is Oh Shit Not Again, by Mandar Kokate, which is, in my opinion, the worst book ever written. This one is a close second.
This is the work of a wannabe and a pseudo gyaani. Like all wannabes, this man does not seem to have an idea what to write about, but rambles on like a man high on alcohol, mixed with Red Bull, mixed with cough syrup. With Valium added for good measure
Genre: Pure crap. LOL, I meant bullshit. Okay! I’ll stop. Genre: Pseudo gyaanism.
Summary: A misogynist climbs a mountain to commit suicide.
Characters: Prem: Above mentioned misogynist whose sole aim in life is to check out the “boobs” and “butts” of women, cos, as he has repeatedly mentioned since page 1, he’s curious about their bodies. Old man: There to spout the “wise and inspirational lines” cos who would take a suicidal, horny, chauvinist seriously?
Language: The author says that the book has been edited and proofread several times. Clearly, “several times” weren’t enough. The author also says that the reader must forgive him for any “minor grammar mistakes”. What about a hundred major ones? I struggled to even get past the first page. Here’s something that’ll help you in future, Santosh, esp pt. 8:
There are parts of the book that sound like a 5 year old’s essay, “My grandfather came to visit. He told me some really nice stories. I loved my granny and grandpa very much.” 
Check this one out: “I was dreaming since I was a great dreamer.” You don’t say!
When the grammar is terrible, the thesaurus (used multiple times in every paragraph) makes the resultant sentences look hilariously bad.
Dialogue/Layout: Sloppy. It follows a flashback/flash forward mode. The protagonist thinks about his love/lust stories while climbing up the mountain and tells the old man to shut up after every story (despite being the one to start a conversation each time). Afterwards, when the old man tells Prem to tell him his story, Prem agrees but says “Don’t disturb me until I finish talking.” Self-centred little boy? There are some dialogues which make you angry enough to slap the protagonist and/or the author. Consider this, “Look at her. She’s beautiful, charming and sexy. She’ll make a good housewife.” Wouldn’t you like to know! Also consider this, “I started to think of her as my future girl, my wife who would sleep with me, give me babies and take care of me.” (as opposed to his wife who would not sleep with him, and have someone else’s babies?) Self-centred, shallow, chauvinistic, yada yada yada.
Somewhere in the beginning, the author has mentioned he wrote this book because many youngsters go through “mental stress” due to problems in love. Well, I have some serious stress-like symptoms right now because I read this pathetic excuse for a book.
You can buy this book from: Life’s too short; don’t waste your time with this one.
Rating: 0.5/5

8 thoughts on “That’s My Love Story, by Santosh Kalwar

  1. You need a pat on the back for finishing this one Sreesha. I can say one thing for sure, I had a laugh reading the bashing of the author. I too came across one such Vivek and I by Mayur Patel. Thanks for once I read a review of what to be away from.


  2. Glad you liked the review. My reviews are always quite honest and there are times when they don't go down too well with the authors or sentimentalists. But I am too much of a book fanatic to let bad literature walk around scot-free.


  3. Haha.. definitely brutal but then if it is as you described, it is deserved brutality. I do wonder though – do you feel that the proof readers in our “Indian fiction” are doing a lackluster job overall? Because I am seeing quite a few books now with really bad grammatical errors.


  4. Nice you shared this with the list of spelling peeves.
    My English teachers were pretty strict! 🙂
    I have found serious grammar problems even in the posts of some established Bloggers…


  5. You're right! I thought I was the only one who thought that. In general, Indian writing has gone downhill, and the so-called bestsellers are just Bolly-style masala stories, catering to an audience who claim to be avid readers but have not been exposed to true literature! It saddens me!


  6. Sounds worse than a usual bad book 🙂 I do wonder how is it possible to even finish reading such a book; in the case of movies, we can at least sleep through them 😀
    And the mistakes bring such an aversion towards the book 😦


  7. Really, the mistakes are the worst part. The reason why I finish even a bad book is, a) it wouldn't be fair to review it without reading it b) it wouldn't be fair to someone who might waste time reading it, when it could've been avoided by reviews such as this one!


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